i have failed as a parent



  • lil miserly, the oldest one in high school, wants an iphone. i explained to her that they were inferior in value and was not as open as an android phone. that you could do so much better with $200 with a new android phone than maybe get a att prepaid iphone 6 with 32gb (sold out). none of that matters. she just wants an iphone in rose gold, as “all” her friends have it.
    i have tried to teach them to be independent minded and be more critical of the “messaging” they get in the media and elsewhere, not be afraid of being different, non-conformists but alas, and to seek value in their finances. i have failed utterly as a parent to instill these values… 😞



  • she wants status symbol, not truly a phone. not too late to teach a lesson.



  • maybe she can work for it if she really wants it. either she gets a job or work for you. but don’t give it to her until she earns it. maybe part of it can be christmas and birthday present but she needs to do some work



  • Maybe offer her the $200 and tell her to go right ahead. She can get an Iphone 4s or 5 and have change left over, hopefully. Just don’t let her go to meet someone that’s selling it on Craigslist. Alternatively, as Krazy9Katz said, she can work for the additional $$$ to get her status symbol. I’m sure there’s a barn that needs cleaning somewhere. “:-)”



  • Oh, and don’t kick yourself too hard. At that age, I would almost be concerned if they didn’t hit that phase somewhere along the line … much better in the teens than afterward.



  • @miserly said in i have failed as a parent:

    i have failed utterly as a parent to instill these values…

    No, you have not. Peer pressure, nothing new. It will change as they mature.



  • @honkinggoose said in i have failed as a parent:

    I’m sure there’s a barn that needs cleaning somewhere. “:-)”

    yuckier the better!



  • Do not give in!
    My child is the lone student in a high school of 3,500 students that is forced to bring his chromebook from home instead of being able to use the “free” Mac laptops that all the students get to borrow for the school year. My younger two (19 & 17) used to complain about how the iphones are “better” (HA!) but now don’t mention it. In fact the 19 yr old came home last night and told me his friend switched from the iphone to a Galaxy S8.



  • @honkinggoose
    I remember those years I was a PITA whenever I wanted something. My eyes were peeled on the prize, regardless if others say it’s a piece of crap. I didn’t get what I wanted all the time but I learned the hard way. Looking back I realized, why did I want all those things I can’t afford as a broke college kid? Now that I can buy whatever I want…lots of things don’t appeal to me anymore <sigh>



  • I don’t see the big deal here as the iphone SE in rose gold was $99 recently, which is a good value. More importantly is why do we as adults feel the need to make our kids like ourselves. Just because we are comfortable being an outsider doesn’t mean they should be to at that age. Sometimes forcing your kid down a road of independence doesn’t work out that well. That said having a phone that can run the same apps as your friend’s phone is more important than you think.



  • $99 without strings?



  • @lowpricewanted said in i have failed as a parent:

    I don’t see the big deal here as the iphone SE in rose gold was $99 recently, which is a good value. More importantly is why do we as adults feel the need to make our kids like ourselves. Just because we are comfortable being an outsider doesn’t mean they should be to at that age. Sometimes forcing your kid down a road of independence doesn’t work out that well. That said having a phone that can run the same apps as your friend’s phone is more important than you think.

    if they want to be an insider, they can work and become an insider, they are entitled to NOTHING.



  • @frugalfreak said in i have failed as a parent:

    $99 without strings?

    Prepaid plans for that price. Unlocked is still pretty high



  • Tell her Burgerwars has an Android, and heads turn when he pulls it out at In-N-Out. Actually my work provides me an iPhone. That mostly goes unused, aside from when I need to check work email on it. I find Androids easier to use and more versatile. A big selection to choose from, and not the big show Apple does when they introduce their two or three models each year.

    I typed this on my Android.



  • Thanks BW, I’ll let her know a random guy on the internets prefers android. : 😁Actually Mrs miserly is an apple hater. I don’t hate, I think they don’t being value and are simply not as versatile. But teenagers will be teenagers. Maybe someday, she’ll appreciate that her father tried to impart some wisdom.


  • Global Moderator

    The wife and I have never had an iPhone, but my kids do. I care less about what kind of device they have than I do about how I can control and monitor it.

    For awhile there, the parental restrictions and family sharing built into the Apple products were easier to use, but Google Family Link is catching up.



  • @frugalfreak
    eek! I realize I’m old since I sound like my parents now. I tell my kids they are NOT entitled to anything aside from the basic shelter, food, clothing that is our responsibility.

    My brother and I laugh about it when we compare notes and say geez! we sound like our folks now, don’t we? LMAO



  • BTW, I can honestly say it was for the best that I experienced that ‘rite of passage’ as a teen that went on till college days. I definitely learned from my mistakes and it made me stay away from debt. I see the same pattern in my kids;at the back of my mind I fervently hope and pray they’ll have their own epiphany like I did.





  • Not a fan of articles with statistics that lead to quick generalizations. A quick click of the comments section had 1681 comments. One comment ridiculed people who use social media. Anyone else see the irony in that?



  • It’s just another statistic, but the average smartphone user touches their phone 2617 times per day. Hard to see how that is good thing.



  • @ma-barker said in i have failed as a parent:

    @frugalfreak
    eek! I realize I’m old since I sound like my parents now. I tell my kids they are NOT entitled to anything aside from the basic shelter, food, clothing that is our responsibility.

    My brother and I laugh about it when we compare notes and say geez! we sound like our folks now, don’t we? LMAO

    I’m oldish too, 46



  • @ganda And who is counting?

    Anyway, I think the focus here is more about frugality rather than whether or not a phone should be had at all.



  • @frugalfreak said in i have failed as a parent:

    @ma-barker said in i have failed as a parent:

    @frugalfreak
    eek! I realize I’m old since I sound like my parents now.

    I’m oldish too, 46

    too? you don’t agree to a lady when she says old. 🙄



  • @gwraigty said in i have failed as a parent:

    @ganda And who is counting?

    Anyway, I think the focus here is more about frugality rather than whether or not a phone should be had at all.

    actually, less about frugaility and more about being ok not being part of the crowd.

    when i started at my current workplace, i was the only that had ever asked for an android phone. i was ok with that. particularly since i knew i wanted widgets on my phone.



  • I’m 58. I’ve been to Android and back. I love my iPhone 7 plus. I am the least trendy person you’ll ever meet. I’m Team Lil Miserly.


  • administrators

    I heard a good thing to do with kids is to tell them you will pay half of whatever they want.



  • nothing wrong with Iphone, android is much more like windows is to computers, you can hear these great new features of a version of windows, however you buy the cheapest POS that barely meets specs and you user experience will be greatly different than someone else who made a different hardware choice, same with handsets that run android, get the best hardware, and your user experience will be vastly different than the cheapo brand-X phone, even though it’s supposed to run the latest version, you might not be able to access all the advertised capabilities or functions based on the hardware.
    the latest black friday deals on no contract SE and ip6 were pretty compelling
    one upshot to the iphone, is the resale, there always seems to be a market downstream, whenever i upgrade my wife’s iphone, i’m usually around $200 out of pocket, when i sell her old one, and of course she’s on no contract red pocket



  • @miserly said in i have failed as a parent:

    lil miserly, the oldest one in high school, wants an iphone. i explained to her that they were inferior in value and was not as open as an android phone. that you could do so much better with $200 with a new android phone than maybe get a att prepaid iphone 6 with 32gb (sold out). none of that matters. she just wants an iphone in rose gold, as “all” her friends have it.
    i have tried to teach them to be independent minded and be more critical of the “messaging” they get in the media and elsewhere, not be afraid of being different, non-conformists but alas, and to seek value in their finances. i have failed utterly as a parent to instill these values… 😞

    Why does she think you will buy the iPhone? You may have instilled all the traits you described, but did you also instill a sense of entitlement and an expectation that all requests are granted? Value is rooted in perception, so value in finances may be very different for you than for her. She may put a high value on social acceptance at this time in her life. She may not want to appear financially disadvantaged compared to her friends.

    It’s tough to know what is going on, but I can tell you from experience that you had a hand in it, likely unintentionally. BUT - I wouldn’t take this one incident as an indication that you have failed. Instead, you could use this incident to reinforce the lessons - just say “no” to the iPhone and be sure she knows why you declined to pay for it.



  • Because you hate me! [DOOR SLAM]



  • OK. Maybe because you all didn’t know me from OT, but I’m not as broken up about this as some of you might think k.


  • 500 Club

    @miserly I think you’ve totally succeeded as a parent. My nieces both got the newest iPhones when they were in Junior High and each year they get upgraded. Oldest is now a college sophomore driving a 2016 hybrid Camry at school. As the mean auntie who thinks they should have been taught the value of money and not had everything handed to them, I applaud that lil’ miserly is just getting around to wanting the phone that everyone has.



  • Reverend Tim Tom knows how to talk to young people about anything. Here he explains to Sue that celebrating Halloween will not automatically turn her into a Satanist and that she has to try much harder to become one:

    alt text



  • @ganda said in i have failed as a parent:

    An interesting read on what cellphones are doing to our younglings

    My kid is very young so I don’t envy you folks with teenagers that have to make the decision, but are there any of you parents of middle school-high school age millennials that have refused to get them smartphones for the reasons outlined in this article?

    Sure it’s easy for me to say I wouldn’t let my kid have one since it’s not an actual question for me right now, but who knows what technology we will have when my kid is 14.

    Full disclosure - I got my first cell phone (that could only make calls) in 2000 shortly after getting my driver’s license. I’m sure I used the same arguments (ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE!) that my kid(s) will use on me when they want something I don’t want to get them.



  • @meed18 said in i have failed as a parent:

    My kid is very young so I don’t envy you folks with teenagers that have to make the decision, but are there any of you parents of middle school-high school age millennials that have refused to get them smartphones for the reasons outlined in this article?

    Our kids are young adults now, but we did let our daughter use a non-smart phone in high school when she started participating in after-school activities. It was a paygo plan, so we turned off texting. That was what she was most upset about at the time. When she said she was missing out on invites (because her friends used texting exclusively for that) we did turn texting back on under the condition that she wasn’t getting excessive texts. It didn’t become a problem.

    When she got a summer job, she bought and paid for her own smartphone.



  • My tenant’s one year old looooves smart phones and will ask for them. She has no idea what it is, but THE BUTTONS! THEY DO STUFF!



  • @kamal yea lil kids now have no problem unlocking ipad or find out how to ask siri or make things that you never knew existed pop up on your laptop


 

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